Five on Friday5 Things I Didn't Expect to Learn From Marriage
January 26, 2018
When Ben and I got married I knew that we were entering a new stage in life. I knew that there would be some adjustments and that we would learn lessons and grow. We read books, did marriage preparation, but here are five things I didn’t expect to learn from marriage.
You will learn a lot that you didn’t know about your spouse, but you’ll also learn a lot about yourself. – There are so many things that Ben and I have pointed out to each other that we never even realized. (It’s important to note out that we really try not to do this in a mean or vindictive way.) For example, I’ve learned that I do things a certain way because that’s just how my family always did it. And I’ve learned that I view things a certain way sometimes because of something from my past. I’ve been so surprised on how much I’ve learned about myself!
You should go to bed at the same time. – Ben and I could easily have opposite schedules. He works a normal schedule, but I work weekends during wedding season and since I work from home I could easily sleep in late and work late into the night. I’ve fought to keep myself on the same schedule as him so that when he comes home from work I’m also done with work. Then we can spend the evenings together and go to bed together. There’s something about going to bed together that helps us stay in sync with each other rather than two people who just live together and pass by each other.
It’s ok to still take time for yourself. – While marriage is about two people coming together, I also feel like as individuals we still need to take time to do what makes us… well us and gives us energy. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that you need to give up who you are, isn’t that why you fell in love with each other in the first place? I love girls’ weekends with my friends and Ben loves going backpacking with guys from work. I would be miserable going backpacking and I hate to take that fun experience away from Ben so I’m glad that he gets to still do it with guys he likes to hang out with. Plus a little time away makes us really miss each other so we really enjoy seeing each other after a weekend apart. Remember it’s important to do things together as well, we have found things that we like like rock climbing or making Saturday morning breakfast together.
Share your dreams with each other. – As we’ve got further into our marriage I’ve realized just how important it is to share with each other where we’d like to be financially, live, etc. in 5, 10, 20, even 50 years. I’ve also realized that sharing my dreams with Ben, even when I feel like they’re not realistic, is important. He believes in me and wants to help me make my dreams happen. Just like with #2, sharing our dreams and goals help us be in sync and striving for the same goals. Otherwise it can get pretty lonely and it can feel like you’re doing all the work by yourself – and that’s not what marriage is about.
Marriage is hard, but it’s also really wonderful. – I feel like I grew up hearing that marriage is hard and difficult. Even when I got engaged a lot of random people asked me why I would want to get married so young (I was a month shy of 25, it really wasn’t that young.) and that a lot of marriages ended in divorce. These comments were sad to hear, but I will say they didn’t deter me from wanting to marry Ben. I loved him more than I could express and I knew we were meant to be together forever. While being married is difficult and it was certainly an adjustment at the beginning, it has been absolutely wonderful and more than I ever expected! I highly recommend it and have never felt more like myself then when I’m with Ben.
Bonus: There’s a whole new type of love I didn’t know about until we were married. – I know this is supposed to be 5 on Friday, but I had one more thing I wanted to add, so this is a bonus! I thought I knew what deep, devoted love was because of my parents and my family. However, getting married and choosing to love someone each day so intimately and deeply has taught me a whole new type of love. We have both agree that divorce isn’t an option and so having someone that is so committed to me has been unbelievable. Ben has loved me and been there through some pretty rough times already. There have been so many days that I haven’t felt worthy or that I don’t even love myself so how could he, but he always reminds me that he loves me no matter what. It’s honestly so refreshing to not have to worry and to just be myself around him.
As a funnier side note, I asked Ben what was something unexpected he learned when we got married. His answer: that I was even quirkier than he thought. hahaha That is probably true 🙂