This weekend I feel like I had a little bit of a breakthrough. And in an effort to to to be a little bit more transparent, like I said in my 5 on Friday, I thought I’d share it with you.
First, I need to give you a little bit of the back story.
Every year I hope to book a certain number of weddings to photograph. I also second shoot for other photographers to help fill in the weekends. This year I haven’t booked as many as I hoped to and it’s really been weighing down on me. I’ve actually been limiting the amount I look on Instagram because I’ve found myself going into a slump looking at what the photographers I follow are shooting. It’s the whole comparison game and it’s been hitting me hard. On top of it all I deal with constant neck pain (for 5 years). I don’t really talk about it a lot on here or social media because I’m not looking for sympathy and I don’t want to worry anyone. However, it does limit the number of weddings and sessions I book because my body can only handle so much.
Through all of this whenever I start thinking about it too much I would just hear the word “trust” from God. Honestly, it’s this little voice in my head that just says, “Trust”. It has helped calm me down, but it’s also been frustrating. It’s also helped me become more aware of and search for the things that I was supposed to trust for. One of the big things that did happen was I finally had a procedure where they burned some of the nerves in my neck. It’s was quite the procedure to finally get approved by my insurance company. It has helped tremendously! I’m not always pain free, but I do actually have pain free moments!
This weekend was much smaller compared to my neck, but it was a big realization for me. I was supposed to second shoot a wedding on Sunday, but it was actually canceled. I was bummed that I wouldn’t get to shoot a wedding this weekend and that it was one less for the year. However, the weekend quickly filled up. On Saturday we went with our church down to Harlem to volunteer with Harlem Grown, a farm in the city that grows and supplies free food to families in need. Saturday night we went out to Rye and ate along the water for our friend, George’s, birthday. We walked along the boardwalk and even got ice cream. On Sunday, when I was supposed to be shooting, we went to our church, Awaken Westchester. Our church is like our family since we don’t have family in NY.
It was while I was sitting, doing the slides for worship that I had my realization: This weekend was the perfect summer weekend. It was the kind of weekend that I dream of in the winter. And then I realized that the weekend would have not been the perfect summer weekend if I had shot a wedding. (Don’t get me wrong, I love shooting weddings! It’s just… well work! 🙂 ) On Saturday I would have been thinking about the wedding the next day. I would have not had that pina colada or ice cream on Saturday night because I’m really strict with what I eat the night before a wedding so I don’t get sick on the day of a wedding. And I would not have been able to make it church on Sunday or go swimming that afternoon when it was almost 100 degrees. I would have been shooting in that weather.
So what I realized is I’m not just supposed to trust God in my business… which I know in theory. I’m not supposed to just trust that he’ll bring me the right clients… which he will. (I also learned that a wedding I really wanted to book ended up being a train wreck. Thank you Jesus for saving me from that!) But I’m also supposed to trust him in the little things, in my everyday life. That if I’ll just trust him that he has so much more for my life. That he has little moments he wants to surprise me with that will make me truly enjoy this life on earth.